The death of a bur oak

A sweet friend of mine has a massive bur oak tree in her backyard. She’s 83 years old. This tree is much, much older. Her family has lived in this house pretty much all of her life. So, when she had to make the decision to have the tree taken down because it is not healthy and not safe, it came with a lot of emotions. 

The other day, she and I stood looking up at the tree branches that span over several neighbors’ yards. Massive, heavy branches. What caused her to even contemplate having this tree taken down was the falling of several limbs onto her property and her neighbor’s property behind her. She didn’t want more limbs to fall, or worse, the whole tree to collapse. An arborist confirmed it was time for this stalwart to be removed. For literally hundreds of years, this tree has stood. Providing shade and shelter and fun. She remembers climbing the tree with her friends when she was a child and swinging on the big swing that hung from the lowest branch. This tree has been a constant companion in her life. And, she is having to say goodbye. And, understandably, it is hard. 

I recently took a series of courses to become a “grief-informed organizer.” And, I learned so much! As a professional organizer, I regularly come in contact with clients who have experienced some sort of loss. And, grief is a natural response to loss. It is not linear. It is ever-changing and ever-present. An ongoing process. 

There are different forms of loss that we all experience, from the death of a person or pet, to a significant transition like a divorce or loss of a job. Even transitions that are exciting and seen as “good” can cause grief – like a child going away to college. As parents, we are excited for this next chapter for our child, but we also experience a loss of what was. 

Or maybe it’s a relocation. You are excited about the new house, but as you unpack, you feel a sense of loss of what was…an easy familiarity of the old house and neighborhood. And downsizing brings its own sense of loss – not only of space, but of what was. What used to be. 

Grief is an expression of love. 

I often receive requests for help when the accumulation of losses have piled up and are unmanageable. Cumulative grief makes processing information and even everyday tasks harder. So, my goal is not to push. It is to guide in a way that respects the client’s pace.

I am not a therapist. I am not qualified to give advice. But, as a professional organizer, I come into anyone’s space with a form of reverence. I can actively listen and help create a safe and comfortable living space for you. We all need a space that feels manageable and supportive, especially during times of grief.

Back to the tree. My friend is grieving this loss. She said she feels “silly” being so emotional about it. I don’t think it’s silly at all. This tree has been a constant in her life…ALL her life.

So, I let my friend share pictures and stories with me about her beloved tree. As we were reminiscing, a man working on her yard approached us. He told us he used to make wreaths out of vines like the ones that were hanging from the tree branches. After we told him it was to be cut down the following day, he got to work and made her a wreath right then and there. She now has something tangible to honor the tree into the future. 

Change requires something to end and a new beginning. It’s okay to grieve what was while being hopeful for what is to come.